When we’re unable or unwilling to do something with it, we avoid it. The trouble is, all that energy has to go somewhere. Which we’re unlikely to do, because our society stigmatizes emotions-particularly for men.Įmotions contain a lot of energy and impact all of us, often more than we realize. And that’s a pretty big problem because a huge part of the human experience is emotional, whether we notice or not. For the same reason, by the time I was a young adult I still didn’t know anything about my emotions or how to deal with them. That’s because when I grew up, no one around me spoke any Spanish. “I know this sounds a bit strange, but I don’t speak Spanish. Classic examples are a person who gets angry often or easily and claims not to know why, or a person who suggests they “can’t let go” of a certain feeling. The more frequent or chronic the response, the more likely I am to bring this up. There are many avenues leading to this type of discussion on emotions, but mostly I’m listening for stress responses in client stories. We need to get buy-in from clients before providing psychoeducation about emotional regulation. How to increase buy-in for emotional healthĪ visual metaphor for conceptualizing emotional experience, and a detailed script of how I explain this is availableĬommon Emotion Regulation Skills for Therapy Clients I differentiate between regulating and processing emotions, for ease of discussion:Įmotional regulation: dealing with our moment to moment or short term feelings (e.g., worried and frustrated that a friend hasn’t called me back yet this evening)Įmotional processing: working through, accepting, or “letting go” of longer term emotion (e.g., shame and grief from a series of events 6 years ago) It’s extraordinary for helping people notice how they’re feeling I suggest people (therapists included) pick it up when they notice they’re feeling “off”. The most impactful tool for this work is usually a feelings wheel. The more specific we can be with labeling our feelings the better we can understand and process them. Part 2 addresses how to process and let go of (old) emotional baggageĮmotional literacy starts with learning to recognize our emotions and what information they’re providing. Part 1, this article you’re reading now, covers a way of conceptualizing emotional experience and emotional regulation I wrote 2 articles addressing my thoughts on this: Instead, if we can share a way of conceptualizing emotions, which regulation is just one part of, it can provide a broader basis for organizing emotional experience. Merely teaching coping skills is missing an opportunity. Whether people want to admit it or not, emotions are a huge part of the human experience.Īs counsellors we need to know how to manage our own emotional experience to remain present during sessions, and also so we can teach clients how to self-regulate. The level of suffering this perpetuates is tragic and unnecessary. Most adults are emotionally illiterate and they raise emotionally illiterate kids.
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